Another sweet lesson today from my yoga instructor. Instead of asking us to set our own intentions at the beginning of class, this time she asked us to “just open yourself up to maybe.” Those few words started my mind racing – not the usual way I like to start my yoga practice, but that’s OK, because I’m not quite the “asana, Namaste, third eye blind” kind of practitioner anyways. I do like to practice yoga for all its therapeutic benefits, but I prefer a different playlist to most and I refuse to breathe loudly.
Many people that know me well would attest to the premise that I have always opened myself up to yes. Just jumping in head first, unprepared, yet perfectly willing to make anything work – eventually. But the concept of opening myself up to maybe seemed so foreign, yet so seductively alluring to me. It intimates a sense of restraint. It would require a consciousness of every moment – a predetermined acceptance of whatever.
So when Dawn (the instructor) asked us to twist one leg over the other, one arm around the next, then squat (in much more sensual terms) – I thought “maybe.” But then I thought about a lot of recent maybes. Maybe I should take ERT training, maybe I should start writing again, and maybe I can knit a sock, mend a relationship and work on new ones. Maybe I can pursue my interests, help my children, change the world. Maybe I should rest. Then Dawn cooed “down-dog”, then “child’s pose”. I melted to the floor and gave my racing brain a pause.
Mentally exhausted and physically stretched I gave in to child’s pose and realized that all maybe’s are yes’s with a conscience. That in reality, each yes I have opened up to started as a maybe. That life doesn’t require intense preparation, eternal consideration or even necessarily restraint. It just requires an awareness of each moment and a desire to make it work.
As my mind eased in child’s pose, Dawn came behind me and gently massaged my neck and shoulders with eucalyptus oil. I let go. My shoulders hit the floor, my spine stretched in two directions, my breath eased and tears welled in my eyes. Maybe my tree pose will be a little more balanced today.